I'm so grateful for all the little things. I love playing with my son building block castles and shooting baskets, building monster truck arenas and reading books. I love to cook for my family. I love that despite my learning disability I a still able to manage our finances and work out our budgets for everything. I love getting to spend time together as a family now that my husband has a stable job that doesn't suck the life out of him. Though I have some struggles I'm trying to work through and little frustrations day to day, I really love my life. I'm happy. I have a roof over my head, food in my kitchen (most of the time), a fantastic husband who loves me unconditionally no matter what and treats me like a queen, a beautiful and impressively intelligent son who I love with all my being, a close relationship with my mom that I'm so proud of and wouldn't give up for the world, and so much more that I'm thankful for.
My mom made this thing she saw on a Facebook video that I'm excited to try. She says it's a pasta dish that tastes like Hawaiian pizza. I love Hawaiian pizza. Mmm I could totally go for some pizza right now. It's amazing how hungry you get when you have no money and it's a few days before payday and you're running out of food at the house trying to come up with new inventions to make using what's left of the fridge and pantry. I've made some of the yummiest dishes under that kind of pressure though. Just throw some stuff together and see what happens. Apparently I am the best at cooking when I'm winging it. Pretty positive I get that from my momma. She is wicked smart and makes super yummy inventions as well. I'm proud to be like my mom. She's the greatest woman I know. She's my hero and if I'm like her then that's a fantastic compliment for me. I'd love to be even half the woman my mom is.
Wednesday, March 16, 2016
Tuesday, March 15, 2016
The SAHM life with a twist
So I totally forgot about this blog. Sorry for the apparent 4 year absence.
Adulting is a lot harder than I thought it would be. So much to keep track of and it's never ending. Chores, bills, money, health, cooking, mentality, social life...and all of those categories have sub categories. It's wild not only trying to plan and keep track of everything, but also to actually take care of everything. Being a stay-at-home-mom is rough, although I can't even begin to imagine adding even a part time job to this chaos that is my daily life. I'm pretty good at the planning part. I created schedules for everything and got some great apps to help and I plan constantly. The execution of it is not so easy for me. I wish I had a clone. I do so much yet always feel behind on everything and I always feel like there's not enough time in the day yet am exhausted at bedtime.
I'm finding little things that help in certain areas and that's proving to be good and frustrating at the same time. We're getting a good tax refund which is awesome because we can pay off our debts, fix some things in the house, get the car checked out and maybe replace the broken recliner with a nice couch. On the flip side there were issues with our return and we had take time and money out to amend it and now the refund is taking forever to get here and the debt wolves are howling at the door.
We got new neighbors upstairs so the suspense is finally over. They have kids which is great for the munchkin. The 4 yr old comes down sometimes and plays with the munchkin and he gets some good social skills practice and also is distracted so he's not in my hair every second of the day and I can actually get some stuff done. Flip side: the mom isn't very attentive and I worry what long term effects it will have on the munchkin associating with them. Also, Muffin is a loner and doesn't care for visitors or friendly/talkative neighbors. So when the neighbor boy is rapping at the door to come in and play with Mini Muffin, Muffin gets annoyed.
I'm happy we have insurance now and I finally figured out the sequence required for getting a new leg and therefore also giving me a "leg up" (lol) in my daily life. First I must go to hanger and get fitted and all that junk. Then, they send the procedure codes over to the insurance folks to find out if they will cover a new prosthetic. Then I'll get a cost estimate for the leg from the insurance company. Sigh. Seems like a lot to go through to find out whether or not I can afford to get a new leg. Cause all of it means squat if I don't have the money or can't get some kind of financing deal going on. Anyway, I really need to get this figured out pronto cause things are getting bad. I can barely walk let alone work out. It keeps getting worse cause I keep trying to push through cause I got shit to do. I have a life to maintain and it's not going to maintain itself on account of my bum leg. It's so frustrating when a trip to Walmart takes hours and you move so slow that the little old ladies in the slow-as-molasses motorized wheel chairs are passing you in the aisles. I worry all the time every time I take Mini Muffin outside that something is going to happen because I can't run after him. I'm seriously wanting to get one of those kid leashes.
We've been sick as dogs for a whole week and shit totally went to hell. I kinda slacked off on everything because I was feeling so lousy that I just could not deal. The chores went undone so the house went to hell in a hand basket. The accounts went unchecked and the daily math went undone so we are now the week before pay day and we are running out of everything and had to borrow money for gas to get to work. I've been playing catch up for the past two days trying to get everything back on track. I'm almost caught up on the chores now. Maybe one more day and it'll be solid. I'm procrastinating right now actually. I've already done the floors, cleaned the bathroom, done the cat litter, fed the kid, dusted the fan blades, done the laundry, checked the mail, checked and refilled the car fluids, took out the trash, cleaned up the whole house like 3 or 4 times, re organized a few areas, did like 5 loads of dishes, fed and watered the cats and cleaned their tree, refilled the toilet paper roll and last night I also made some delicious steaks with rice, peas, and cauliflower. I'm a bit tired already and it's only about 4:30pm on a Tuesday. #sahmlife
Adulting is a lot harder than I thought it would be. So much to keep track of and it's never ending. Chores, bills, money, health, cooking, mentality, social life...and all of those categories have sub categories. It's wild not only trying to plan and keep track of everything, but also to actually take care of everything. Being a stay-at-home-mom is rough, although I can't even begin to imagine adding even a part time job to this chaos that is my daily life. I'm pretty good at the planning part. I created schedules for everything and got some great apps to help and I plan constantly. The execution of it is not so easy for me. I wish I had a clone. I do so much yet always feel behind on everything and I always feel like there's not enough time in the day yet am exhausted at bedtime.
I'm finding little things that help in certain areas and that's proving to be good and frustrating at the same time. We're getting a good tax refund which is awesome because we can pay off our debts, fix some things in the house, get the car checked out and maybe replace the broken recliner with a nice couch. On the flip side there were issues with our return and we had take time and money out to amend it and now the refund is taking forever to get here and the debt wolves are howling at the door.
We got new neighbors upstairs so the suspense is finally over. They have kids which is great for the munchkin. The 4 yr old comes down sometimes and plays with the munchkin and he gets some good social skills practice and also is distracted so he's not in my hair every second of the day and I can actually get some stuff done. Flip side: the mom isn't very attentive and I worry what long term effects it will have on the munchkin associating with them. Also, Muffin is a loner and doesn't care for visitors or friendly/talkative neighbors. So when the neighbor boy is rapping at the door to come in and play with Mini Muffin, Muffin gets annoyed.
I'm happy we have insurance now and I finally figured out the sequence required for getting a new leg and therefore also giving me a "leg up" (lol) in my daily life. First I must go to hanger and get fitted and all that junk. Then, they send the procedure codes over to the insurance folks to find out if they will cover a new prosthetic. Then I'll get a cost estimate for the leg from the insurance company. Sigh. Seems like a lot to go through to find out whether or not I can afford to get a new leg. Cause all of it means squat if I don't have the money or can't get some kind of financing deal going on. Anyway, I really need to get this figured out pronto cause things are getting bad. I can barely walk let alone work out. It keeps getting worse cause I keep trying to push through cause I got shit to do. I have a life to maintain and it's not going to maintain itself on account of my bum leg. It's so frustrating when a trip to Walmart takes hours and you move so slow that the little old ladies in the slow-as-molasses motorized wheel chairs are passing you in the aisles. I worry all the time every time I take Mini Muffin outside that something is going to happen because I can't run after him. I'm seriously wanting to get one of those kid leashes.
We've been sick as dogs for a whole week and shit totally went to hell. I kinda slacked off on everything because I was feeling so lousy that I just could not deal. The chores went undone so the house went to hell in a hand basket. The accounts went unchecked and the daily math went undone so we are now the week before pay day and we are running out of everything and had to borrow money for gas to get to work. I've been playing catch up for the past two days trying to get everything back on track. I'm almost caught up on the chores now. Maybe one more day and it'll be solid. I'm procrastinating right now actually. I've already done the floors, cleaned the bathroom, done the cat litter, fed the kid, dusted the fan blades, done the laundry, checked the mail, checked and refilled the car fluids, took out the trash, cleaned up the whole house like 3 or 4 times, re organized a few areas, did like 5 loads of dishes, fed and watered the cats and cleaned their tree, refilled the toilet paper roll and last night I also made some delicious steaks with rice, peas, and cauliflower. I'm a bit tired already and it's only about 4:30pm on a Tuesday. #sahmlife
Friday, December 14, 2012
Jordan
Out of hardship and struggle he came to me
I held him as I walked
I knew him without sight
I felt his tiny movements as he struggled to grow into my likeness
My eyes that wanted to greet me
To see my love returned in our first gaze at each other
My mouth that longned to cry out for me
To yawn in my arms as I held him close
My ears that longed to hear my familiar voice
Calming him in a world of chaos
We fought together, my likeness and me
We fought for our life together and all the moments were promised in our minds and in our secret talks we shared
Knowing our fate,
like a tree leaf in autumn gently falling after its life and before the winter cold
with beauty and grace he left me
before my eyes saw me
Before my mouth made a sound
Before my ears heard me
To spare me the pain of goodbye and leave me to imagine him taking some of the burden of sorrow off my back
For our time together was so close and precious and intimate
My likeness knew me as much as I knew him
He left his body for to comfort his family's eyes and hearts so they could have a memory of him
But he left me with the most special gift he had to give
I got to hold him, nurture him, love him, talk with him, and live with him from his first heartbeat until his last with a bond like no other
My likeness left me to live on and remmember our time together
My precious son, I shall carry you with me in my heart for infinity
I am so proud to have the honor of being your mother
And forever your mother I'll be
I held him as I walked
I knew him without sight
I felt his tiny movements as he struggled to grow into my likeness
My eyes that wanted to greet me
To see my love returned in our first gaze at each other
My mouth that longned to cry out for me
To yawn in my arms as I held him close
My ears that longed to hear my familiar voice
Calming him in a world of chaos
We fought together, my likeness and me
We fought for our life together and all the moments were promised in our minds and in our secret talks we shared
Knowing our fate,
like a tree leaf in autumn gently falling after its life and before the winter cold
with beauty and grace he left me
before my eyes saw me
Before my mouth made a sound
Before my ears heard me
To spare me the pain of goodbye and leave me to imagine him taking some of the burden of sorrow off my back
For our time together was so close and precious and intimate
My likeness knew me as much as I knew him
He left his body for to comfort his family's eyes and hearts so they could have a memory of him
But he left me with the most special gift he had to give
I got to hold him, nurture him, love him, talk with him, and live with him from his first heartbeat until his last with a bond like no other
My likeness left me to live on and remmember our time together
My precious son, I shall carry you with me in my heart for infinity
I am so proud to have the honor of being your mother
And forever your mother I'll be
Monday, March 9, 2009
So much goin on, yet so little
I have a lot on my mind.
I miss having a bunch of friends to talk to. Until I left college, there were always people and friends that I saw every day and now there's no one because I live far away and everyone has drifted apart and is off living their own busy lives. It's a lot harder to make friends out of thin air than it used to be. Plus I'd rather have my old friends anyway.
Anthony and I both recently got jobs. He works as a security guard and I'm a delivery driver at Papa John's. He's at work right now actually from 10pm-6am. I work on Thursday from 7pm-4am (i never knew papa john's was open that late). Our schedule is weird cause we're still living with my mom and she's just leaving for work when we're getting home and going to bed. Then when we wake up and feel like its morning, she's just getting home from work. It's all strange.
Anthony and I are dealing with spring breakers. There are more naked children running around here than I've ever seen in my life. Wal-mart is packed with munchie and beer seeking idiots. The largest club in the USA, club La Vela, is here on the beach and MTV has designated PCB as the place to be for spring break this year. It's insane. It's like an amusement park around here 24/7. And after they leave we'll have to deal with "Thunder Beach" and all the stupid bikers. I hate the bikers. So much worse than the naked children hooting and hollering all the time. The bikers rev their engines and ride up and down the road constantly and it pisses us residents off because they are SOOOO LOUD!!!!
Ugh, it's only 12:00 here and Anthony doesn't get off til 6. Mom has been asleep for hours so its just me hanging out bored to death with no one to talk to. I've thought about going to club La Vela, but I don't wanna go by myself and the hubby has never really been fond of the club scene so he doesn't wanna go.
Another one of my cousins is getting married April 17th. Brittany got married in September and now her little sister Chelsea is getting married. I'm really happy for her, but I'm slightly concerned about the haste of it all. I mean, apparently they've only known each other for about a year. It seems a little fast to me. Anthony and I knew each other for 9 years (dated for 7) before we got married. They haven't lived together and 1 year is not enough to really know someone. Anthony and I are STILL finding stuff out about each other! Who knows maybe it will be a fairy tale and they will be perfect for each other and be happily married til death parts them. That is what I hope is the case, but I know the odds are against it. Don't get me wrong now, I LOVE Chelsea SOOOO much and I'm so very happy that she has found someone that makes her happy and that she wants to spend the rest of her life with. For that I am beyond happy for her. I just wish they would give it a little more time. Make sure it's solid.If it is then what's the rush anyway? I mean, you're gonna be together forever right? OK so why the rush?
I miss my buddy Adam. I haven't seen him in almost a year. That's crazy. I haven't seen most of my friends in a year or more. I feel socially deprived. Like I'm and involuntary hermit.
I miss my camera. I don't understand why it doesn't work. I need to send it off to see if it can be fixed, but other things have taken priority over it and now i don't even know where it is. Its somewhere collecting dust and it makes me sad. I love to take pictures. Hobby deprived.
I can't wait til we can get our own place. I want my own living room! ARGHHHH!!!
sigh.....what am I gonna do for 5 hours?
I don't know what to think about my family anymore. Everything is so screwed up. I'm so mad at one of my aunts because she really let me down. One thing I can't stand is racism and prejudice. It drives me absolutely bats. It's unacceptable to me. I'm ashamed of my aunt and hurt by her bigotry. I am a mixed race child, what must she think of me? I can't believe the things she said to me. It boggles my brain. Don't tell me who is OK to love and who is not. Who the hell are you to think that any human being is more important or superior than another? You are no family of mine blood or not. Family is not about blood its about love and support. I'm just so disgusted.
No, I don't care who reads it. I feel so strongly about this and I'm sick and tired of everyone on both sides of my family keeping their feelings to themselves, keeping secrets from each other, lying to each other, and talking about one another behind their backs. Not me. I refuse to keep up the b.s. It's stupid. It only breeds hate, lies, hurt, and misunderstanding blown way out of proportion. Yeah I said it. Ooh I've broken the unwritten rule of both sides of the family. So what. I'm already an outcast to most of you so what do I care. I'm gonna love who I want as much as I want and I'm gonna say what I want/need to say so bite me.
I'm sick of tip toeing around everybody. I'm sick of no one even asking my side of the story but secretly holding grudges against me without addressing them. I'm sick of people assuming things about me without getting the facts first. I'm tired of the drama between family members that I somehow get sucked into even though I don't want to be. Get over your petty disagreements. It's stupid. There are more important things in life than dwelling on things that happened years and years ago. It's the past, LET IT GO.
Say what you want to me I don't care. Bring it on. Get it out. Say what's on your mind. I dare you. Get it out before it eats you all alive. Don't let it run your life. Don't be bitter forever. You miss out on too much that way. Put everything out there so you can deal with the raw wound you've been hiding and move on.
I miss having a bunch of friends to talk to. Until I left college, there were always people and friends that I saw every day and now there's no one because I live far away and everyone has drifted apart and is off living their own busy lives. It's a lot harder to make friends out of thin air than it used to be. Plus I'd rather have my old friends anyway.
Anthony and I both recently got jobs. He works as a security guard and I'm a delivery driver at Papa John's. He's at work right now actually from 10pm-6am. I work on Thursday from 7pm-4am (i never knew papa john's was open that late). Our schedule is weird cause we're still living with my mom and she's just leaving for work when we're getting home and going to bed. Then when we wake up and feel like its morning, she's just getting home from work. It's all strange.
Anthony and I are dealing with spring breakers. There are more naked children running around here than I've ever seen in my life. Wal-mart is packed with munchie and beer seeking idiots. The largest club in the USA, club La Vela, is here on the beach and MTV has designated PCB as the place to be for spring break this year. It's insane. It's like an amusement park around here 24/7. And after they leave we'll have to deal with "Thunder Beach" and all the stupid bikers. I hate the bikers. So much worse than the naked children hooting and hollering all the time. The bikers rev their engines and ride up and down the road constantly and it pisses us residents off because they are SOOOO LOUD!!!!
Ugh, it's only 12:00 here and Anthony doesn't get off til 6. Mom has been asleep for hours so its just me hanging out bored to death with no one to talk to. I've thought about going to club La Vela, but I don't wanna go by myself and the hubby has never really been fond of the club scene so he doesn't wanna go.
Another one of my cousins is getting married April 17th. Brittany got married in September and now her little sister Chelsea is getting married. I'm really happy for her, but I'm slightly concerned about the haste of it all. I mean, apparently they've only known each other for about a year. It seems a little fast to me. Anthony and I knew each other for 9 years (dated for 7) before we got married. They haven't lived together and 1 year is not enough to really know someone. Anthony and I are STILL finding stuff out about each other! Who knows maybe it will be a fairy tale and they will be perfect for each other and be happily married til death parts them. That is what I hope is the case, but I know the odds are against it. Don't get me wrong now, I LOVE Chelsea SOOOO much and I'm so very happy that she has found someone that makes her happy and that she wants to spend the rest of her life with. For that I am beyond happy for her. I just wish they would give it a little more time. Make sure it's solid.If it is then what's the rush anyway? I mean, you're gonna be together forever right? OK so why the rush?
I miss my buddy Adam. I haven't seen him in almost a year. That's crazy. I haven't seen most of my friends in a year or more. I feel socially deprived. Like I'm and involuntary hermit.
I miss my camera. I don't understand why it doesn't work. I need to send it off to see if it can be fixed, but other things have taken priority over it and now i don't even know where it is. Its somewhere collecting dust and it makes me sad. I love to take pictures. Hobby deprived.
I can't wait til we can get our own place. I want my own living room! ARGHHHH!!!
sigh.....what am I gonna do for 5 hours?
I don't know what to think about my family anymore. Everything is so screwed up. I'm so mad at one of my aunts because she really let me down. One thing I can't stand is racism and prejudice. It drives me absolutely bats. It's unacceptable to me. I'm ashamed of my aunt and hurt by her bigotry. I am a mixed race child, what must she think of me? I can't believe the things she said to me. It boggles my brain. Don't tell me who is OK to love and who is not. Who the hell are you to think that any human being is more important or superior than another? You are no family of mine blood or not. Family is not about blood its about love and support. I'm just so disgusted.
No, I don't care who reads it. I feel so strongly about this and I'm sick and tired of everyone on both sides of my family keeping their feelings to themselves, keeping secrets from each other, lying to each other, and talking about one another behind their backs. Not me. I refuse to keep up the b.s. It's stupid. It only breeds hate, lies, hurt, and misunderstanding blown way out of proportion. Yeah I said it. Ooh I've broken the unwritten rule of both sides of the family. So what. I'm already an outcast to most of you so what do I care. I'm gonna love who I want as much as I want and I'm gonna say what I want/need to say so bite me.
I'm sick of tip toeing around everybody. I'm sick of no one even asking my side of the story but secretly holding grudges against me without addressing them. I'm sick of people assuming things about me without getting the facts first. I'm tired of the drama between family members that I somehow get sucked into even though I don't want to be. Get over your petty disagreements. It's stupid. There are more important things in life than dwelling on things that happened years and years ago. It's the past, LET IT GO.
Say what you want to me I don't care. Bring it on. Get it out. Say what's on your mind. I dare you. Get it out before it eats you all alive. Don't let it run your life. Don't be bitter forever. You miss out on too much that way. Put everything out there so you can deal with the raw wound you've been hiding and move on.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Untitled Poem
Beauty, Grace, Strength, and Love
Wisdom, Depth, and Peace
There's an angel I'm thinking of
Who posesses all of these
A nurturing guide through all my life
A watchful eye, a warm embrace
Comforting words in times of strife
A hopeful expression upon her face
Strong throughout the weathering storms
Teaching me love and equality
By my side since before I was born
Loving me unconditionally
Wisdom, Depth, and Peace
There's an angel I'm thinking of
Who posesses all of these
A nurturing guide through all my life
A watchful eye, a warm embrace
Comforting words in times of strife
A hopeful expression upon her face
Strong throughout the weathering storms
Teaching me love and equality
By my side since before I was born
Loving me unconditionally
My best friend and confidant
Unique and unlike any other
More than I could ever want
She has a name, I call her Mom
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
What Beauty, What Grace
W O W. That right there is an angel folks. A vision of strength and love. The sweetest smile I've ever seen. These are by far the best pictures I've ever seen of her. They take my breath away. So beautiful she leaves me speechless.....
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Oh MY GAWD!!!
Oh My Gawd!!!! Two of my long lost cousins just popped up on facebook and myspace. Justine and Nelson. I never thought I'd see Haydee, Christina, or Justine again. We don't even know eachother because we haven't seen eachother since we were kids. I've never even met Nelson. Wow I just can't believe it. I'm in shock. We have so much to catch up on....our whole lives actually. And apparently she has a daughter, Alyssa. Just wow.....
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